small tangent

the language of thought

i want to let you in to my mind
where there are no sharp edges
no corners or holes
no empty spaces or missing pieces

ocean and sky grow into one another
as each wave turns seashells in its fingers
taking them apart to build something new
and every tidal pool contains a lifetime

fields of flowers bloom overnight
on yesterday's decay
they grow tall, seed, and die
to begin again tomorrow

the landscape embraces itself
opening outward like a leaf
unfolding inward like a breath
there is room inside for the universe

i open my mouth to explain it all to you
and out fall single petals
quickly wilting in the air
turning to dust as they touch the ground

i try again and produce insects
buzzing, snapping
they leave us to tap against the windows
they make clicking sounds and static
and settle inside lamps

i shake my head and start over
out rise bubbles, fragile, shimmering
which shiver and then burst against our faces
or make wet spots on the ceiling

and when i grow frustrated
ball bearings bounce and roll
shiny and hard
we chase them and lose them under furniture
days later you find them in your shoes

my words pick like birds at the truth
mindlessly collecting
pulling out the things that can be grasped
leaving the universe behind

wdydwyd-----why do you do what you do?

We ponder academic questions without thoroughly researching what has been said--not because we don't know any better but because we are a little lazy. Not only that but there is wonder in discovery even if it has already been discovered----there is a joy in coming to a conclusion about something then finding out you came to the same conclusion as someone else or some book or reference. It is truly a joy to conjecture----even if it has no actual purpose.
There is a certain idlility to it but ----accomplishing things when you have no drive brings no joy and perhaps shouldn't exist in the first place.

So is there a goal----I ask this question? Is it survival? Is it an aesthetic quality that only the creator (I mean the person who develops and sustains a life in a certain manner) can define? Is it a mental space?

I know that death will overcome us all--though I'm not sure I want it--I am faced with it all together too soon....
Death of a life is really nothing we are not used to it is a fact of life----but when it occurs in your horizon to somehow takes on a different aesthetic feel and an entirely different mental space when it refers to the individual who has of the thought. I think I will die takes on a different meaning than, the old man died or the old man will die.

This is interesting----self-reference is often difficult to overcome----implicating the self in anything can be difficult. Why well I really wish there was a solid answer but an element of responsibility comes to mind----If I involve myself in a statement hen I am responsible for whatever has been said----

I'm not sure where to go with this but it actually does relate to language.
The self-referentiality of language is often generalized in speech. Why we all do this, I do this but there is something lost in the meaning of the statement when it is stated in such a way...---what exactly is it that I am trying to find----I think it is a tone perhaps a tone of responsibility.
As far as lot goes, I think also we see some issues with translation at this point. If we are in fact translating, we may, in the translation take the personal pronoun in thought language, and since it is being translated morph it into a third person or generalization.


I'm not really sure where this goes.


what will I have accomplished? will it matter? will it matter to me?

happiness

Until the other half of this blog finds the inspiration to write, I'll supply my own random spam.

From Chuck Palahniuk's book of short non-fiction, "Stranger than Fiction", story titled You are Here.

You want to be happy? You want to be at peace? You want to be healthy? As any good writer would tell you: unpack "happy". What does it look like? How can you demonstrate happiness on the page - that vague, abstract concept. Show, don't tell. Show me "happiness".